Valentines Day Flowers or Plants

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The drama of relationship status

Tiffany and I received another question from one of our readers. This question tackles the important issue of “when do I change my Facebook status to in a relationship?” My immediate response was, “Before the effects of alcohol wear off”. I still stand by that response but I felt like I should try to cover a few more scenarios. After all, not everyone meets in a bar or even drinks for that matter.

I think it all depends on your reason. For many people, Facebook is the megaphone used to broadcast their drama. So, changing your Facebook status is a lot like stocking up on ammo. In a relationship becomes a loaded gun that fires a single shot into the heart of your partner when your breakup gets posted on the wall of your 185 friends. And of course you want them all to know and even chime in on how happy they are for you that you finally decided to dump that loser who they all thought was great while you were dating. After all, what are friends for if not to be supportive even if it means waffling like a politician?

There’s also the lather rinse and repeat approach if you thrive off of the drama rush. You can change your status to in a relationship to let your friends know that everything is going well and back to single to let them know you’re having a fight. Then, back to in a relationship so all your friends know that you have kissed and made up… at least for now. But you can always reserve the right to go back to being single the next time you get mad. Since Facebook attaches a timestamp to every post you make, this is a good way to monitor the frequency of your bipolar mood changes.

Now, if you use Facebook to keep your friends and family up to date on everything that’s going on in your life, that’s a different story. You’ll probably want to update your status after you discuss it with the person you’re dating. It wouldn’t be good if you changed your status to in a relationship only to find that they won’t accept your relationship request…ouch. But that’s only after they have met your parents, your kids and your closest friends. You don’t want your mother finding out about your new romantic interest because she logged in to play Farmville and saw your update on her wall.

If you’re looking for a way of telling the world “that’s mine” then linking your profiles with the in a relationship status is the way to go. It works the same way as when a dog pees on a tree to mark his territory. It doesn’t stop other dogs from peeing on the tree but it sends the clear message, “Sparky was here”. You can give your partner that warm feeling of fresh urine running down his leg right after the first time you have sex. Oh, that analogy worked better than I thought. To clarify, what I meant was after you are intimate you can send the in a relationship request.

Let’s face it, being in a relationship is not a Facebook status. It’s a way of life; a personal choice; a commitment between you and your partner and most importantly it’s a frame of mind. That decision will be yours to uphold in the face of adversity. People will still flirt with you on Facebook and off. You will still have disagreements with your partner. The way you react to that adversity is what determines your status, not what Facebook says.

Tags: choices, commitment, dating drama, relationships

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Where Can You and Your Partner Find Help For A Troubled Relationship

If you and your partner are still speaking, why not make a date together at your favorite restaurant. A public place is great for a chat about your feelings as you are more likely to keep your temper under control. You cannot let your cosy chat descend into a shouting match or you will disturb the other diners.

Sometimes a little work and some private chats are all that is needed to sort out the troubles in a relationship. Life gets so busy that it is easy to lose track of our loved ones and to end up ignoring them or causing them to feel neglected. A few "couple only nights" may be all you both need to get back on track.

If you cannot talk alone, why not ask a trusted friend or family member to act as mediator. This can be a difficult step to take and not one that you should enter into lightly. You must pick someone who has the ability to act impartially. This is not the time for any third party to be taking sides.

What you are looking for is someone who can help you and your partner to talk openly about the problems you are having. Someone who has been in a long term relationship, for a long period of time, will probably better understand the difficulties a couple can face. Single people may understand the theory but not having had the practice will find it difficult to dispense advice.

Often it is not possible for you to find a suitable friend or family member so why not try couple counselling? People believe that these services are only available for married couples but that is not the case. There are some services dedicated to those that are married but others are for couples who live together or share time together.

Check your local phone directory to see what services are available. Be careful when choosing your advisor though. If possible, go on a personal recommendation. Your doctor or religious adviser may be able to help. Or ask your counsellor if they have clients who are willing to give them a testimonial.

It is much better if both of you meet the counsellor as it is important you are both comfortable talking to this person. You will be discussing intimate details and this is impossible if you do not like the counsellor. They will probably want to meet you together as a couple and perhaps separately as well. Find out how many meetings you will be expected to attend and when you are likely to see results.

The good thing about it all is that, if you both seek help for a troubled relationship, you both stand a better chance of solving your problems and going back to the happy couple you once were.

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Ladies first or not

I was recently forwarded a question regarding proper etiquette for calling someone whom you met on an online dating site. It seems the woman who asked the question was wondering why the men she meets online expect her to call them. The answer is simple. In fact, there was an entire book written about this and even a movie, He’s just not that into you.

Now you might be thinking, “no, no, no, that all depends on who gave their number out first”. Yeah, there was that whole thing about women being more assertive and the age-old concept of ladies first. And you might even be thinking that modern women are more busy and it might be more polite to let them call when it’s convenient for them. In fact, there are countless other excuses that are equally lame. The point is, men, if a woman gives you her number and you don’t call her it sends the very clear message that you’re just not that into her.

I want to point out two clear facts about this. The first one is that, when a woman gives a man her number it’s an invitation to call. That’s not even open for interpretation, it’s cut and dry. The second is that she didn’t have to give you her number. She could have said “No” or simply not responded to your email or whatever. Women are fairly choosy when it comes to giving out their phone number. So, you’ve been chosen, make the call. I can’t think of a worse message you could send to a woman than, “I’m kind of into you but only if it requires no effort on my part”. Yeah, that really makes a woman feel special.

Photo courtesy sqback@sxc.hu

Tags: complimenting women, dating, he's just not that into you

Posted in dating books, online dating

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What to Do When He Says He Doesn't Want a Relationship

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5 rules to follow on a first date

Keep him waiting: Don’t be ready when he shows up to take you out to dinner, it makes you seem desperate. Besides, you want to give him a realistic idea of what it will be like to be married to you. Take control early on and show him that it actually is all about you and he’s destined to spend the rest of his life waiting for you to be ready.

Don’t order “just a salad”: We all know that you eat. While it may be cute to make him think that you are too shy to eat in front of him, he’s going to be wondering what else you’re hiding. Besides, statistically speaking, this guy will end up being a jerk just like all the other jerks. So, you might as well enjoy a restaurant quality meal. You can keep your frozen dinners for the nights that you are home alone watching Lost.

Don’t order the spaghetti: Or anything else that’s messy. After dinner you might be thinking that he can’t keep his eyes off your chest. And you’re right. But, he’s not admiring your perfect figure, hes just staring at the stain on your blouse. Plus, you’re not going to get that first date kiss with the orange glow of spaghetti sauce around your mouth.

Don’t put out on the first date: Okay, you haven’t been out on a date since Bush was president. And we are talking Herbert Walker. But that’s no reason to over do it on the first date and appear desperate. You may justify it by thinking that he’s going to interpret it as “I really like you”. But, no matter how much emphasis you place on “I never do this sort of thing”, he’s thinking that you do. And no man wants to be married to the woman who impulsively has sex with guys she just met.

Don’t be a follower: Yeah, this is the single most important rule to having a good first date. Don’t follow any rules. He asked you out because he wanted to go out on a date with you. Not who your friends told you to be and not who some blog post told you to be…you. Games have rules, dates don’t. If you want to play games, stay home and play Farmville. Trust me when I tell you that he will be a lot happier being stood up than giving you a few hours to mess with his head.

Photo courtesy Tombre@sxc.hu

Tags: dating, first impressions, know yourself, marriage, mate shopping

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Once She Returned His Interest, He Lost It

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Make Men Love Better -- Tantric Sex Secrets Only Relationship Experts Can Reveal

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Find something on You Tube to watch.

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Relationships from A - Z: A=Alone Time

Relationship Bridge Building: Relationships from A - Z: A=Alone TimeRelationship Bridge BuildingThe Relationship Bridge blog is written to provide inspiration, insight and sage advice to individuals who want to improve their relationships with the important people in their lives, including themselves. Come read and talk about relationships with significant others, children, parents, in-laws, co-workers, bosses. The idea is to stop frustrating ourselves by unsuccessfully attempting to change other people. Learn to value your loved ones for who they are and to honor their life choices, even when you wish they would choose differently. Come by and check us out. You won’t be sorry.« Free Things to do on a Spring Date Night |Main| Relationships A - Z: B = Believe »

January 01, 2011Relationships from A - Z: A=Alone Time

Be sure that you are comfortable with yourself. While between relationships take time to be alone without a partner so you can take stock and learn the lessons from your prior relationship.

If you are in a relationship, be sure to allow each other quality alone time. The best relation...ships are those who have wonderful time together and just as wonderful time apart.

Posted at 06:56 PM in Relationships, Self-Growth | Permalink

Technorati Tags:alone time, relationships

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The Biggest Three Mistakes Women Make With Men

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Links for 2010-07-19 [Digg]

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Perfect Match Online Dating

“Who Else is Tried of Being Single and Want to Finally

Meet The Perfect Match?

 

See why Perfect Match Online Dating is right for you. There has been an influx recently of trends and services available in the market to get the right partner for you. There are the 2 minute date services where you can get to know a person by just talking for a couple of minutes, and then there are the online dating services like Perfect Match Online Dating, where you subscribe online and meet your prospective partner via the Internet.

Online dating services are the latest trend in match making. If you are lonely and can’t seem to find the right partner for you, subscribing to an online dating service website is for you. You may think that online dating may sound a bit weird or sometimes outrageous. You might even prefer going the traditional way by going on blind dates.

However, online dating services are growing in popularity. Many people consider it as a much more convenient way to meet someone or to meet their potential lover or partner. In short, online dating service is somewhat like a virtual community where people, meet, socialize, chat and get to know each other without actually meeting in person.

Think about it, you can actually get to know the person you are interested in without even meeting him or her personally. It is much more convenient than going on a blind date and you can also meet a lot more people than going out on a traditional date. Online dating allows you to meet several people at once. This means meeting people and getting to know them is much faster.

Online dating can provide you fast dating services where you can get to find your Mr. or Ms. Right a lot faster than conventional dating.

Besides, if you can’t seem to find the right partner you”ll get lonely and you may want a companion whom you can talk to or have a romantic experience with.

Unlike conventional blind dates, online dating can provide services that blind dating simply cannot offer. For instance, online dating service will require you to fill out some personal information where it will be displayed for potential partners. The profile is used somewhat like a basis for you and your potential partners if you have the same interests, hobbies and other things. You can also specify what type of person you are looking for in your profile. If you want a Christian relationship, you can state that in your profile.

After you get to know each other through the Internet, you can arrange a meeting with the person you are chatting with in the online dating website. Online dating website has a lot of different features that you can use to socialize with your potential partners.

The Perfect Match Online Dating Service is so noteworthy that it was recently featured in the blockbuster hit Must Love Dogs, in which John Cusack borrows a dog to score a date with a woman whose Perfect Match profile specifies that her perfect match, as the title says, must love dogs.

Off the big-screen, Perfect Match Online Dating features one of the most comprehensive personality profiles available: the Duet Total Compatibility System. The profile uses over 30 years of relationship research by Dr. Pepper Schwartz to help you find someone that you’re highly compatible with on the deepest level.

Unlike eHarmony.com, Perfect Match online dating allows you to search user profiles and initiate contact, allowing you to choose the members that are right for you. In addition to searching profiles, you can do the following with a free Perfect Match online dating membership:

Create a user profileUpload photosPerform custom searchesSend “icebreaker” questions to initiate contact

The members of Perfect Match online dating service are primarily people from 20-40 years old looking for serious relationships and marriage in the United States. Because each member is required to complete a lengthy personality profile, you can see exactly how you are compatible with each of your potential matches. This removes the frustrating of performing a search only to find brief profiles that don’t tell you much about the individual in the picture.

If you are ready to meet your perfect match, click here now…

Perfect Match Online Dating

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She's Dating the Prince From Podunk

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Does Love really matter?

A while ago I think I was in a relationship with a women. I say, “I think” because I’m not entirely certain. You see, she was a little flippant with regards to being considered “in a relationship” and would mysteriously dump me at random intervals. We seemed to be perfect for each other. We had similar interests, we are both creative and artistic. We both had similar backgrounds and worked in similar fields. Our kids got along and we seemed to integrate well together. We were friends and had a very strong attraction. Even the areas where we were complete opposites seemed to compliment each other, one of us was a slob and the other was a clean freak. It wouldn’t be fair for me to say who was who but I do kinda miss cleaning up after her. I could write a dozen posts spouting all the reasons that we should still be together and why it worked so well. However, she uttered four words that trumped my thousand reasons, “I’m not feeling it”. And where there is no will, there’s no way.

Is “feeling it” important? I’m still not entirely convinced that it is. And, Tiffany claims that I’m the hopeless romantic. But I think that every relationship has high points, low points and should have middle ground. I don’t seem to find the middle ground very often, that time when you are simply two people coexisting in a symbiotic relationship. I find that I’m always either on a pedestal or in the dog house. Which should be a red flag. But it is the drama free middle ground that is the litmus test for whether a relationship will survive. It’s those times, when you aren’t “feeling it” that will determine if you are happy being content in a situation that works. If you’re not, the middle ground will trigger a flight response and you’ll be looking to move on and get your next infatuation fix.

So many people use the word “drama” only in the negative sense. It’s used to describe gossiping, backstabbing, arguing and the common “baby momma drama”. But drama also encompasses infatuation (at least for those of us not experiencing it). Checking your phone every two minutes to see if he’s called is a bit dramatic, don’t you think? It’s important to be able to tell the difference between infatuation and love. Infatuation wears off. What seems odd to me is that infatuation is so common but it’s not a common word. I’m sure many people have said, “I love you” when they were actually just infatuated. Not that, “I’m infatuated with you” would be a great thing to say. But, in some cases, it certainly would be more honest.

Tags: bad relationships, commitment, honesty, love

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