How to Save An Abusive Marriage | Tips to Save a Marriage

Are you in an abusive marriage? Is your spouse abusing you  emotionally or physically?  It may be stressful for you to deal with such problem. Your marital relations are affected a lot due to the physical, emotional or sexual abuse by your partner. You may be troubled by such abuse as it can leave a high impact on your physical and psychological conditions. But, before you take any harsh decision like having a divorce, try to find out the solutions and think about how to save an abusive marriage.

The abuse in marriage may be emotional, physical, economical or sexual. The emotional and verbal abuse may be using insulting words, rejection, ignorance, terrorizing, isolation and corruption which may lead to inferiority complex within you.

There may be the economical abuses such as refusing to buy necessities, controlling all bank accounts, stealing money from your account, refusing an access to credit cards or confiscates monetary gifts. The physical abuse includes battering, biting, injuring and causing burn injuries.

How will you come to know that your partner is abusive? Some of the warning signs of abusive partner are as follows- he may push the relationship too fast, he demands your attention at all times, he may be very competitive, he feels jealousy about your family members and friends and he is with extreme lows and highs.

Abuse can cause a very harmful condition which may badly affects the physical and psychological status of a person. The victim may get extremely terrified and disturbed and may lose psychological balance. The effects of abuse may be depressing and longer-lasting. Hence, it is not easy to deal with abusing partner.

Spouses in an abusive marriage have varying reasons for remaining in them. I understand why some spouses stay in an abusive marriage for practical reasons. Some abused spouses feel they cannot leave their marriage because they are economically dependent on them. For instance, if you are a  stay-at-home mother you may feel that you cannot leave your abusive husband because if you did, you would have no way of providing for your children.

Some of you reading this article might be staying in an abusive marriage because you believe that is the proper thing to do, given your religious or cultural background. I know that some Catholic people, believe that divorce is a bad thing to be avoided at most all costs. You may be motivated to put up with a lot of spousal abuse because the alternative is to go against the teachings of your church. Or you may rationalize staying in an abusive marriage because you think it is the right thing to do for the children. You might be saying to yourselves, “If it was just me, I’d leave this marriage, but my children will be better off coming from an intact home than from a divorced one”. This may not be a rational position to take in all cases; the children may be in fact far more damaged by staying in proximity to an abusive father than they would be by being raised by a single mother. However, regardless of the truth of any of these rationalizations, if you believe that this is true that feeling is what is keeping you in an abusive marriage.

Another reasons for why you may be staying in an abusive marriage is the so-called “cycle of abuse.” In a typical instance of domestic abuse (where one partner is abusive towards the other), abuse tends to occur periodically (cyclically), rather than constantly (all the time). There is no clear beginning to the cycle of abuse, but for purposes of describing it, we can start at an arbitrary stage along its progression. Something event occurs, whether real or only imagined by the abuser, that generates feelings of anger or even rage.

These feelings then lead to the second stage of the cycle, which is where the actual abusive behavior occurs. Such behavior may be verbal, physical, emotional/mental, or sexual in nature. If the cycle stopped here and stayed constant, most victims would find it very easy to leave and not endure abuse for long periods of time.

However, shortly after the abusive event occurs, the abuser frequently expresses remorse or guilt and wants to apologize. The abuser will swear, “It will never happen again” and may shower the victim with gifts and demands that the victim forgive him or her. There may be so-called “makeup sex” which can be quite pleasurable and provide the victim with a sense that he or she is valued, and really loved. In a parent/child abusive relationship, guilt over abuse may be expressed as special privileges or gifts for the child victim. Following the guilt and making up stage comes a “honeymoon” or latency period during which things are good for a while between the partners. Inevitably, in an abusive marriage, the latency period ends with the beginning of another abuse episode; the abuser again feels angry, disrespected or treated poorly in some way and the cycle starts all over again.

If you want to stop the cycle of abuse, you need to seek out help for you and your spouse. Nobody should be abused. It is time to put an end to the abuse and either get your marriage back on track or end it.

If you do not want to break marital relations, then you start to work on how to save an abuse marriage. It is not easy one; you need a lot of patience and tolerance for that.

When you facing the tough decision as of how to save an abusive marriage, the first step you should take is to find out the reasons of abuse. You may consult with a psychiatric who can help you to understand the causes of misbehavior of your partner. If necessary, you can take your partner to the psychiatric to seek the treatment.

Self-assessment is one of the important solutions to the question how to save an abusive marriage. Try to find out your drawbacks and mistakes and try to overcome them. Know about the things that your partner does not like and avoid to do them. Go for outing with your partner to change his/her mood. Communication with your partner is an important factor to solve this problem. You should keep taking to your partner about his/her behavior and affectionately convince him/her to avoid it.

Make your partner to realize that you still love and need him/her. Once your partner understands your passion, he/she will try to develop improvements in his/her behavior and think not to hurt you by abusing. Carefully handle the problem regarding how to save an abusive marriage and bring your married life back to its comfortable state.

How to Save An Abusive Marriage

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